Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
