When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
