She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
