i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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