Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
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