you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
