Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
