You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
