We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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