I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
