You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
