you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
