ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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