can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
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you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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