By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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