Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
