I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
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I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
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Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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