I wannas sexs uuuuu
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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