Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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