There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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