Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize