You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
