Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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