btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
