First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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