Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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