I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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