Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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