The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
