3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
