I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
