She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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