can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
