I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
