i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
