I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I would fuck him just for his dog
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
