She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
