if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
