We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
