stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
