happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
