My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
