my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
