he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize