rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
