I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
