If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
