Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
