i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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