don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
