Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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