went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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