my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
