College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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