did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
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i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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