So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
