So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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