Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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