at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
