Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
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Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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