ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
