Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
