so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
