I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
