Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
